The Promise Read online

  “Him, or somebody else . . .” I gave her a mysterious wink. She cackled with laughter and sent me away with a slap on my ass as I spun back to work, my skirts swirling a halo in my path. I felt lighter, freer in my disguise despite the weight of fabric cloaking every step. I whirled through the coffee shop all morning, greeting regulars and passing out candy from a hollowed-out pumpkin to anyone who’d made even a half-hearted shrug towards a costume. I didn’t even miss a beat when the door burst open with a boom of ominous laughter—thanks to Mika and his sound effects—and Theo materialized before me in a long tan duster over a khaki shirt; an outback-style hat perched at a jaunty angle over his unmistakable brow like he’d just emerged from the depths of the jungle.

  “Indiana Jones!” I laughed.

  He did a double take, eyes widening as he recognized me beneath my disguise. “Claire?”

  “Who’s Claire?” I teased, then swirled away, my heart racing—but not with the sick lurch of nerves that had always haunted me in his presence, no, this was something lighter, delicious. My blood was shimmering with a reckless alchemy, and it buoyed me onwards to casually clear the tables before returning to the register, where Theo waited, watching me anew.

  “You look different.” He tilted his head slightly, as if trying to align two different pictures of me.

  “And you look . . . more you,” I decided. I reached for a paper cup and started Theo’s coffee. He didn’t need to order; I already knew it by heart.

  “The kids in school get into it in a big way.” He smiled. “It was impossible to teach all morning. You can’t move for slutty kittens and superheroes.”

  I laughed. “How can you even make a kitten slutty?”

  “I don’t know, but it involves fishnet stockings and whiskers.” He took a miniature candy bar from the bowl by the register and looked me up and down. I felt his gaze like warm honey on my skin, before admiring eyes met mine again. “Cast any spells yet today?”

  “A couple.” I gave another mysterious smile.

  “Have they come true?”

  I met his gaze dead-on. “I’ll let you know.”

  There was a beat, shimmering with possibility, but even in this new guise, I wasn’t bold enough to hold it for long. I busied myself with his coffee again. “I like yours though,” I said, from behind the safety of the espresso machine and those wondrous bangs. “Very dashing.”

  Theo grinned. “I’m recycling. This was my favorite costume as a kid.”

  “You must have been a big kid to fit in that coat,” I joked, and was rewarded with a laugh.

  “Not quite,” Theo said. “I made some updates. The original had more craft paper and paste.”

  “Craft paper . . .” I let out a nostalgic sigh. “God, I would get through a truck-load for all my costumes. Halloween was big in my suburb,” I explained. “Trick-or-treating was major business; you had to make sure you got the maximum candy, enough to last months.”

  “Of course.” Theo nodded, mock-serious. “We would plan our route for days. You have to hit the right houses, none of that candy apple bullshit.”

  “My best year, we made this amazing dinosaur costume,” I remembered. “I had a cardboard spine, papier-mâché head, the works. I made out like a bandit.”

  “A sugar-fuelled, hyper-active bandit.”

  I laughed. “I don’t know how my parents handled me; I was probably bouncing off the walls for days.” I paused and glanced around the room. “I guess that’s why I like this holiday. Everyone gets to act like a kid again, pretend to be whatever they want.”

  “And you want to be a powerful witch?” His smile was teasing.

  “We prefer ‘sorceress.’ ” I set his coffee in front of him. “On the house, magic charms optional.”

  Theo picked it up. “If I turn into a frog, I’ll know who to find for a kiss.”

  His casual words landed between us with all the impact of a tornado. Suddenly, the room felt charged, electric. My heart spun wildly, and I swear I would have disappeared into the eye of the storm if I hadn’t been holding onto the counter for dear life.

  “I was thinking,” Theo said suddenly. “About that list of yours.”

  I stopped. “What about it?”

  “Just, your friend had the right idea, planning for the extraordinary.” He looked thoughtful, toying with the sleeve on his coffee cup. “So many things, experiences, you let them slip away because you don’t make the time.”

  “Time wasn’t a friend to her.” My reply was cooler than I meant.

  “I didn’t mean that,” Theo said immediately. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been wondering about it, that’s all. What I would put on my list, if I had to make the choice.”

  I relaxed again. “Well, you got to be Indy again.”

  “True.” Theo smiled. “I can check that off.”

  “What else?” I asked, and he paused a moment.

  “It’s stupid.”

  “No, tell me!”

  “I guess, I always wanted to move to California, someday. See the ocean on the other side of the country.” Theo looked away, bashful. “What about you? What would be on your list?”

  Kiss you, my heart screamed. Kiss you properly this time, and never come up for air.

  “I don’t know . . .” I helped myself to a tiny Reese’s cup from the candy bowl and carefully unwrapped it, to buy time as much as keep my hands from reaching for him. “What Hope wanted, too, I guess. To live in the world, really feel it. Leave my mark.”

  “I used to think that too, that I wanted some kind of legacy.” Theo drummed his fingers on that cardboard cup sleeve. “But now, I’m thinking more that the moment matters. What we do right now, not what people will say about us when we’re long gone. Taking chances, like it’s Halloween every day.” His lips crinkled into a self-deprecating smile, but the look in his eyes was something quieter, a hushed intensity.

  I was frozen in the beam. “What chance would you take?” I asked carefully, breath suspended in my lungs.

  He opened his mouth to answer, but his reply was drowned out by another burst of eerie sound effects from the doorway. “Well, well, what do we have here?” His roommate, Guy, sauntered in, wrapped up in a leather jacket that had seen better days, fingerless gloves curled around an ancient thermos flask. The air shifted, expanding from the heated bubble between us to let the rest of the world in, a rush of sanity again.

  Guy intercepted Kelsey on her way to the register and tugged at a loose strip of her gown. “What a charming bride you are.”

  “Bite me,” Kelsey snapped back, but there was a playful edge to her tone.

  “You’re the zombie.” Guy gave Theo and I a smirk, but Kelsey hooked her fingers over the top of his sweater and pulled him halfway over the bar. She kissed him deliberately, until suddenly he winced, and pulled away.

  “Ow.” Guy touched his lip, looking pained.

  Kelsey grinned. “You asked for it.”

  She swung away into the back without another word. For all her games and manipulations, the girl knew how to make an exit. Guy stared after her for a moment, then caught us watching, and gave a rueful smile. “She’s a spitfire, alright.”

  “So how’s tricks with you fine folk?” Guy asked, taking a small model pumpkin and juggling it, one-handed. “I’m surprised to see you here,” he added to Theo. Then he looked back and forth between us. “I stand corrected. Not so surprising at all.”

  Theo rolled his eyes. “I needed a break from grading.”

  “Of course you did. And what better break than caffeine and good company?” Guy waggled his eyebrows, and I felt my cheeks flush, despite myself.

  “I should get back,” Theo said, and gave me an apologetic smile. “Thanks for the coffee.”

  “Anytime.”

  I watched, disappointed, as he stepped back into the bustle of the street beyond. Whatever he had been about to say was gone with him now, out into the cold.

  When I looked back, Guy was looking at me with
an arched eyebrow. “You two seem friendly,” he said.

  “We’re friends,” I answered. I began wiping down the counter, as Guy continued his juggling tricks.

  “You should call him,” he said. “Poor guy deserves a break. He’s been grading papers for the last century, has barely been home in days. Either that, or he’s reconciled with dear Brianna.”

  I knocked a stack of glasses, and had to leap to stop them tumbling to the ground.

  Brianna—again?

  “I jest.” Guy tossed the pumpkin to me, and I had to grab to stop it hurtling into a stack of dishes. “Those two are ancient history. And it was never much of an epic love story to start with, in case you were wondering.”

  “I wasn’t,” I lied.

  “She just showed up one day,” he continued, musing. “And never seemed to leave. Don’t get me wrong, Bri’s a sweet girl, and she would make a mean stir-fry for us lads, but she didn’t have that certain je ne sais quois. Of course, what do I know?” He shrugged. “Theo keeps his cards close to his chest, that boy. Forever getting mysterious calls and disappearing in the middle of the night. I’ve often thought him a secret agent, or mercenary assassin.”

  “Who’s an assassin?” Kelsey emerged from the back, this time with her bag hitched on one shoulder.

  “Teddy boy,” Guy answered. He casually held Kelsey’s coat up, helping her into it, then dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “He’s a man of mystery. Your Claire should watch out.”

  “Claire can take care of herself.” For once, there was no sarcasm in Kelsey’s tone. “She’s something of a mystery herself.”

  “Curiouser and curiouser.” Guy winked at me, “Then they’re the perfect match.”

  I worked the rest of the day, dispensing candy prizes and coffees frothed with mountainous peaks of whipped cream, until at last, Mika waved me off duty with a swirl of velvet cape. “Go, leave, before this place traps you here forever,” he declared, lisping slightly through his plastic fangs. “I’ll be in the coffin in the back.”

  “But you’ll stay young forever.” I suddenly leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks for all the holiday spirit.”

  He looked stunned. “Uh, sure. No problem.”

  I went to grab my things before I could feel embarrassed. But I’d needed to thank him for this gift: without him, I’d never have dressed up alone, or felt the freedom of my brief disguise. Like with Hope’s list, I still seemed to need a prompt, that gentle hand pushing me out of my cozy safe corner and into the waiting adventure.

  One of these days, I would have to learn to do it all myself.

  I walked the long way home through the park that afternoon, still swinging my pumpkin basket of candy as the skies faded to a cool dusk. Our park. It was foolish to think of my brief moments with Theo like pieces of a puzzle strung together, but the city was taking on a new shape through his blue-eyed lens. There was the road we’d walked down, there, the bench we’d paused to eat. Today, there was some kind of kids’ party in progress, over by the play area with its cherry-red climbing bars. Hoards of tiny characters swarmed and laughed and screamed out as they played, a renegade crew of bandits and policemen, fairy princesses and snug plush pets. Their parents lingered on the sidelines, keeping one watchful eye on the crowd as they chatted, hands wrapped around steaming flasks.

  My own parents would be a thousand miles away, answering the door to our own parade of trick-or-treaters. Mom always liked to buy the candy in bulk by September. “They’ll only jack the prices up,” she’d say, hauling enough mini Snickers bars into our cart to feed a small army. She stored them in our garage pantry, but by the time Halloween rolled around, Dad and I had already sneaked half the stash away. Every year like clockwork, she’d be surprised by the diminished stores, and every year, we’d both swear our innocence, wide-eyed. “You must not have bought as much as you thought,” my dad would say, sending me a wink behind her back.

  Suddenly, I missed them so much it hurt.

  I sat on one of the benches and watched the party for a while, trying to resist the hopeful ache in my heart. If I could just have a real conversation with them . . . If they could only understand . . . My fingers itched to call them, and I turned my phone over and over in my hands, knowing what awaited me on the end of the line, but still compelled to dial the number nonetheless.

  My father picked up this time.

  “Daddy?” My voice stuck in my throat. “Happy Halloween.”

  “Claire.” He exhaled in a rush. “Are you OK, sweetie? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong.” I tried to swallow back my sadness. “I just wanted to say hi.”

  “Oh.” There was a long pause.

  “I want you to know I’m alright.” I started babbling, my words a rush of guilt and regret. “I have an apartment and a job, I’m doing fine on my own. My roommate’s a student here. She’s really nice, everyone’s nice.” Something twisted, deep in my chest. “I don’t want you to think something’s wrong all the time. I want to just be able to call and say hi without it being a big deal.”

  “Honey.” Dad’s voice sounded thick. “You know you can call anytime.”

  “But Mom . . . Every time, all she does is talk about how she wants me to come home.”

  “We both do,” he said gently. “We miss you. We worry, it’s what parents do. You belong here with us.”

  “No,” I corrected him, feeling that stubborn shard buried deep in my chest. “Not anymore. You know I need to do this. Don’t you want me to have a life of my own?”

  He gave a weary sigh. “You know I do, sweetie.”

  “So why can’t you be happy for me?” I couldn’t keep my voice from cracking, raw in the end. “I’m doing what I always wanted. What Hope wanted.”

  “Hope’s gone now, sweetie, and running away like this won’t bring her back. She’s not the one who wakes up in the middle of the night and doesn’t know where her baby girl is. Your mom, she’s going through hell right now.”

  I closed my eyes, trying not to feel the weight of their disappointment crushing down on me. “I’m not your baby girl anymore,” I said softly. “I’m an adult now. This is what adults do, dad. They go off to college, they get jobs, and move away from home—”

  “And if that’s what you want, we can make that happen,” he interrupted, eager now. “I’ve been looking at colleges nearby, something in the state. You could take classes, part-time, I’m sure they would work something out. We’d help you with an apartment in town if you want—”

  “No, Dad, you’re not listening. It’s not about that.”

  “Then what? Please, honey, help me understand. What is it you’re looking for out there?”

  I opened my eyes again. The sun had sunk just below the tree line, casting long shadows between the glint of the streetlights. Students walked back from the campus, and the kids in their costumes were being hustled, two by two, back towards the parking lot, but still, the city burned with so much life amongst the darkness; a million lives careening past my orbit, a million restless hearts searching just as hard as mine.

  “A life of my own,” I said quietly. “I’m sorry, I just can’t come home. Not yet. Give my love to Mom,” I added quickly, and then hung up before he could say another word.

  I walked the rest of the way home in a fog, torn between the certainty that I was doing the right thing and that chilled creeping guilt. Then I turned the corner to my apartment building and found Theo waiting on my front steps. He rose to greet me, his smile cutting through the dark, and I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

  Chapter Eight

  “Hey.” He took a couple of steps towards me. “I realized I don’t have your number.”

  I came to a stop in front of him, my heart beating double-quick time. “What’s up?” I asked, so casual, as if finding him there hadn’t ruffled me one inch. “Guy and Kelsey taken over the apartment with some kind of screaming match?”

  He chuckled. “Don’t
joke. They kept us all up the other night.”

  With what, I didn’t need to ask. I looked away, and Theo shifted his weight—still dressed in his explorer’s coat and ten-gallon hat. “I don’t know if you have plans tonight, but I thought, maybe . . .” He paused, then gave me a smile so nakedly hopeful that it took my breath away. “We should go out.”

  It was a declaration. A statement of intent. And in that moment it folded the world over on itself from a place of shaky perhaps and what if? to something simple and solid.

  “Yes,” I answered immediately. “OK.”

  “Tonight?”

  I nodded. His grin widened.

  “I just need to go change.”

  “It’s still Halloween,” he pointed out. “We’ll blend right in.”

  He was right. And besides, I wanted to keep the bravery of this disguise a little longer, feel the freedom hiding behind my new black bangs. It was a cheat code, perhaps, but I would take it this one time.

  “OK then,” I said slowly, the moment dawning on me bright as a summer’s sky. This was happening, and it was too late to turn back now. “Let’s go.”

  Theo offered his arm to me, like an old-fashioned gentleman, and in my swirling skirts and bodice, it seemed only natural for me to slip my hand into the crook of his elbow and fall into step beside him. It was dark, and the streets around campus were wilder than ever, thick with throngs of spacemen and pirates, and girls teetering in their fishnets and bunny ears. “So, we have some options.” Theo cleared his throat. “There’s a party at some warehouse, Guy and the rest are going.”

  I paused. The gift of Theo—alone, a date—seemed too precious to waste on a sweaty mass of noise and bodies. “I don’t know if I’m in the party mood . . .” I hedged.

  “Me either.” He smiled. “OK, next, there’s a Rocky Horror screening at the Brattle?”

  “I’ve always wanted to see that,” I said, torn. “And we’re in costume, but . . .” I gave him a sideways glance, shy. “Do you want to just see some of the city, walk around, or get some food?” Again, sitting in the dark in silence beside him would have been a cruel joke after how long I’d spent wanting only to see his face, and discover every last secret he was hiding. I wondered if he would think my suggestion boring, but Theo looked relieved.