A Kiss for Christmas Page 16

His are the only arms I want around me, his kiss is the only thing that could make me feel alive.

  But he’s a hundred miles away right now, and I don’t even know his last name. Even if I wanted to find him, and try to get some kind of explanation, there’s no way to track him down.

  I stare at the wintery landscape slipping past outside the window, and realize. It’s over.

  “Sophie?”

  I turn back to Tegan. She’s looking at me with understanding, and a determined glint in her eye. “Sorry?”

  “I was just saying, I’m going to do your hair and makeup later, you’ll knock them dead. The guys of Beachwood Bay won’t know what hit them.”

  I smile along. Maybe Tegan is right. Wallowing over a man I can never have won’t get me anywhere. I check the clock on the dashboard. Midday.

  OK. I get twelve more hours of pining over Austin, and that’s it. When the clock strikes midnight tonight, I need to try and move on.

  Austin

  The party is loud enough that you can hear it halfway to town. By the time the cab drops me off at the end of Beach Lane, the house is blazing with lights and classic eighties music is blasting out across the bay. Hundreds of people are crammed inside, lit up though the huge glass windows: dancing and talking and having the time of their lives. The Callahans always did know how to throw a party, and with this incredible house as a setting, right on the water, they’ve raised the bar for another year.

  I stop on the front driveway and let my duffel bag fall to the ground. Laughter filters out, excited cries as old friends greet each other, but something stops me heading straight inside. I’ve been holed up in the studio all week, but I figured a party would help snap me back to life again. Some drinks, a few friends, some adoring fangirls to make me forget all my troubles… It sounded like the perfect New Year’s Eve to me. But standing here now, celebrating is the last thing I want to do.

  The only thing I want is Sophie.

  “Austin!” I hear a shriek of delight, coming from the upstairs window. Tegan waves down, then hurries away. A moment later, she comes bursting out the front door and attacks me with a hug. “Where have you been? You were supposed to come days ago!”

  I stagger back, laughing. “Sorry, I got sucked into recording.”

  “You guys and your muses.” Tegan pulls away and pouts. She’s all dressed up in a sparkling black dress and heels. I ruffle her hair, and she ducks away. “Hey! We spent an hour on our hair tonight, trying to show you savages some class.”

  I smile. I’ve been in the band with Dex for years, and Tegan is like a little sister to me now. She grabs my arm and pulls me into the house, talking non-stop as she goes.

  “…And Sophie’s here too, it’s like a big reunion.”

  I stop on the threshold. “Sophie?” I echo, feeling my chest clench.

  “My friend from LA,” Tegan turns. “But don’t get any ideas,” she adds, warning. “She just had a wretched breakup with a total asshole. She can’t handle any of your games.”

  Someone calls to her, and she looks away, distracted again. “Dump your bags in any of the rooms, get a drink, I’ll talk soon!”

  She bounds away in a shimmer of sequins. I catch my breath, adjusting to the mass of noise and party chaos. Sophie’s a common name, I tell myself. I can’t keep flinching every time I hear it.

  Pull it together, Austin.

  I find a place to stash my bag, and go grab a beer from the overflowing bar. I take a gulp, and wander the party, but now that it’s planted back in my mind, I can’t shake the thought of Sophie.

  There’s no way it could be her. I’m being crazy and stupid, I know. But I can’t help scanning the crowded rooms, hopefully looking for her familiar face.

  I catch myself, and stifle a groan. Man, I’ve got it bad.

  “Hey you.” Dex finds me in the main room. He slaps me on the back in greeting. “I heard the album is wrapped, I can’t wait to hear it. How about a listening party this week?”

  “It’ll have to wait a little while longer, I went back to the drawing board,” I admit. “I spent this week locked in the studio laying down new tracks.”

  “Inspiration hit?”

  I give a rueful grin. “Something like that.”

  The truth is, after Sophie left I needed something to pass the time. All I could do was think about her, a dozen mournful melodies that slipped into my sleep and demanded to be written. At least something came from my wretched misery. The songs I had before were good, but these ones are great.

  Dex looks at me carefully. “So it’s like that, huh?” He breaks into a grin. “About time. What’s her name?”

  I tense up at the thought of her. “It’s nothing. It was over before it began.”

  “Don’t count yourself out just yet. It takes a special woman to inspire that look in your eyes.” Dex looks amused.

  “What look?”

  “Totally fucking miserable.”

  I snort. “Thanks, buddy.”

  “Any time. Well, there’s plenty of booze and food here, so make yourself at home. Now, I need to go find my beautiful fiancée. She’s off in the corner somewhere, cooing over newborn baby photos.”

  “Babies?” I raise an eyebrow. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

  Dex grins. “Not just yet. Let me get her down the aisle first. Catch up with you later.” Dex slaps me on the back again, and disappears into the crowd.

  Dex Callahan, soon to be proud husband and father. Who would have thought it?

  I wander the party, greeting old friends and chatting about the band and our plans. It’s great to see familiar faces again, but no matter how hard I try to get into the New Year’s spirit, I can’t shake the hollow feeling in my chest, like I’ve lost something precious I’m never getting back.

  I looked for Sophie, back in New York. Hell, every time I came up for air in the recording studio, I tried something new: calling the cab companies that served the hotel that day, checking with staff, even looking into doctors named Matt at a medical conference to see if I could track her down via her ex. But I came up empty every time. Sophie disappeared into thin air that day, and no amount of desperate sleuthing is going to find her now. My last hope is to wait until school starts back up in the new year, and start checking with grad schools out west to see if she’s studying there. It’s a long shot, I know, but it’s all I’ve got.

  And I have to hold on to something.

  “Hi Austin.” There’s a breathy voice, and when I turn, there’s a stacked little blonde standing too close to me. She presses nearer with a smile. “Happy New Year.”

  “Hey, uh…” I try to remember her name. She looks familiar, but I don’t know how.

  “Leela,” the girl coos. “We met at the MTV awards last year. I’m a music blogger, I interviewed the band.”

  “Oh. Right. Hey.” I look around for an escape, but she’s got me penned in the corner here. “How’s it going?”

  Leela giggles. “Great. It’s an amazing party.”

  I wonder for a moment if she was really invited. It’s not Dex’s style to bring the media in, but I’m guessing there’s a bunch of fangirls here tonight who gatecrashed for a chance to get up close and personal with one of The Reckless.

  “How are you?” Leela inches even closer, pressing her breasts against my arm. “I can’t wait to hear the new record. I just know you’ll be an amazing solo artist.”

  I pause. She’s a pretty girl, and Lord knows I could use the distraction. There was a time I’d drink up the adoration, hell, I’d bask in her flattery all night—and the next morning too, if I didn’t ditch her as soon as I woke up. But tonight, her syrupy compliments sound fake and useless, and as pretty as she is, she doesn’t hold a candle to Sophie’s effortless sexiness.

  I don’t want a fan. I want a woman who’ll push back: who’ll laugh when I hit on her in a bar, and wonder out loud about my narcissistic personality. A woman who spins around in the snow, and kisses me like it’s th
e end of the world.

  I want Sophie.

  “I, uh, need to go see someone.” I extricate myself as gently as possible, side-stepping around her. “Look, there’s Cash,” I nod to our sometimes-drummer. Leela’s eyes light up, and I take the moment to lose her in the crowd.

  I head upstairs. The party is thinning out up here, and I take the chance to admire Dex’s handiwork. He designed this whole place himself, open and light, with gorgeous views of the ocean beyond. I wander down the hall to the big balcony I remember, hoping to get some peace. But when I slide the door open and step outside, there’s someone already out there, leaning out into the wind.

  Her back is turned, but I get a glimpse of auburn hair tangling in the sea breeze, her sexy curves poured into a dangerous red dress.

  My heart stops.

  It’s her.

  I know her body by heart; I can feel it, just by standing here.

  “Sophie?”

  Sophie

  I hear my name from behind me, and every nerve in my body pulses to life. I would know that sexy drawl anywhere.

  It’s him.

  I spin around, and there he is, standing in the doorway looking so good, I want to hold him tight and never let go. Casual jeans and a black sweater, his chocolatey hair gleaming in the party lights, and a look in his eyes that takes my breath away.

  “You…” I stammer, lost for words. My mind races, but I can’t make sense of it. I feel like I’ve conjured him up out of thin air just through wanting him bad enough.

  “I… You… What are you doing here?” I finally manage to say.

  Austin looks about as shell-shocked as I feel right now. “This is my buddy’s place,” he explains, gesturing vaguely. “Dex. We’re in a band. And you…?”

  “I know Tegan.” I’m still staring at him in total disbelief. But more than the shock that’s still racing through me, is the feeling of total and utter relief.

  He’s here.

  Right in front of me, real flesh and blood. I’ve been feeling like I imagined our time together, like it was a dream I’ll never get back. But seeing him again, the feelings crash over me, more intense than ever.

  Until I remember what sent me running the first place. My joy fades. “What about your girlfriend?” I ask, my voice breaking. “Is she here too?”

  Austin strides out onto the balcony, closing the distance between us. “She’s not my girlfriend,” he swears, reaching to take my hand. He cradles it to his chest, looking down at me with an agonized look in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, I never thought she’d show up like that.”

  I struggle to keep the hope in my chest from taking flight. I know that he’s charming, he could smooth-talk anyone into believing him, but I’m too hurt to just accept his word. “But, she was in your room,” I point out, pulling away. “In her underwear! She said you do this all the time. That I was nothing special,” I add, unable to keep the hurt and rejection from my voice.

  Austin shakes his head. He looks desperate. “She was lying. We had a casual thing, on and off, but I promise, it was never anything real. Not like it was with you.”

  My heart stops.

  I blink, not ready to believe what I just heard. “It’s not…” I murmur, turning away. My head is warring with my heart right now, fighting the instinct just to fall in his arms again. But I have to think straight. “We spent a day together, that’s all,” I point out.

  “So?” Austin’s face creases in that gorgeous, sexy smile. “It was the best day of my whole life. And I want a hundred other days like that with you. A million.”

  My head spins. I want to believe him so badly, but I remember what happened with Matt: how he just turned around and quit on us without a single warning. I can’t go through that again, and be someone’s impulse decision they take back on second thoughts. Not with him.

  “Austin…” I gulp for air. “We barely know each other. You can’t just say…” I stop, looking back at him. “What are you saying?” I ask nervously. “What do you want?”

  “I want you.”

  His words wash over me, and the tight knot in my chest unravels, just like that. Austin lifts his hands and cradles my face. His touch is warm against my cool skin, and I close my eyes to savor the feel of him.

  My heartbeat pounds faster in my chest. The nearness of him is overwhelming, the physical connection that can’t be denied.

  “Austin…” I whisper again, opening my eyes. I can’t believe he’s really here.

  He’s staring down at me, a raw hunger in his eyes that sends my pulse racing. “It’s you, Sophie,” he murmurs, gently stroking my cheek. “I can’t explain it, but it’s you. And maybe this is fast, and reckless, and crazy, but it doesn’t have to be. We can take this as slow as you like, one day at a time. I just know, the minute I thought I’d lost you… It made me realize you’re the only one I want.”

  Joy crashes through me. “No,” I say, smiling.

  Austin’s smile falters. Hurt blazes in his eyes.

  “No!” I say quickly. “I mean, I don’t need to take it slowly. I know. I feel the same way too. It’s you.”

  Austin lets out a breath of relief, and then his arms are around me, and his lips are claiming mine. Hot and hard and slow, he kisses me all the way to my soul as the noise from the party drifts around us and happiness swells bright in my chest.

  I cling to him, tasting him, holding his body down against mine, giddy with the feel of him solid in my arms.

  I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Right here, with him. Nothing matters except for that, because I know, deep down, this is the beginning.

  Finally, we come up for air. Voices come, chanting from downstairs. “Five…four…three…” The final count is drowned out by cheers and celebration. Across the bay, fireworks explode in a sudden riot of color, flooding the sky with a thousand stars.

  I gasp in delight. “Look!”

  Austin draws me back against his body, holding me tight. His lips graze my ear, setting every nerve alight with sensation.

  “Happy New Year, sweetheart.”

  And I know, it will be.

  Not quite the end…

  Epilogue

  10 minutes earlier…

  BLAKE.

  It’s fifteen minutes to midnight on New Year’s Eve, and my agent is freaking out.

  “Don’t you get it?” he demands, on the phone from LA. “This is the excuse we’ve been waiting for. Their filming permits fell through, so you can pull out!”

  “I don’t want to quit,” I explain for a tenth time. The party is in full swing around me, people greeting me as they pass. I flash a smile back, raising my glass of bourbon in a toast. “Look, can’t we talk about this in the morning?” I tell Josh, my eyes drifting to a gorgeous brunette in the corner giving me a flirty wave. I wink at the woman, and she smiles back. Perfect. “I’m kind of busy right now.”

  “Too busy for your career?” Josh shoots back. I sigh.

  “Hold on, I can’t hear you…” I look around for a quiet spot to get away. There’s a door to the back deck, so I hustle through the crowd getting ready for the big countdown.

  I slide the door open. Outside, it’s quiet enough to hear myself think. The air is cool and salty, the beach shadowed in the dark. “Look, Josh, I want to do this movie.”

  “But it’s beneath you.”

  I laugh. “C’mon, I’m not Brad Pitt.”

  “Not yet. And you won’t be, not if we don’t pick the right parts for you. I’m trying to help you.” His voice turns pleading. “You’re on the edge of breaking out, but one wrong move could end it all. Trust me, stick to the plan and you’ll be the biggest new name in Hollywood come next year.”

  I pause. Acting has always been my dream, and I’ve been working my ass off for ten years to make it happen. Embarrassing commercials, tiny theater gigs, two-second blink-and-you’ll-miss-me roles on TV—I did it all, and never seemed to make it any further. I was about ready to give up when my big break ar
rived, the day I turned twenty-five: I landed the lead in a massive action alien-invasion movie. It was a big deal, for an unknown like me to get the part. Suddenly, I had people lining up who never gave me the time of day before. Managers, agents, publicists, all swearing they can make me the next Ryan Gosling, the new Jonny Depp—but only if I pick my next moves carefully.

  Plenty of guys get one shot in this game, but not many keep working, building a career to be proud of.

  I pace, torn. “The director’s a buddy of mine,” I tell Josh. “And I have time in my schedule next month…”

  “It’s a low-budget indie movie that doesn’t even have a location anymore,” Josh replies bluntly. “Didn’t you get the scripts I sent?”

  I think of the pile of cookie-cutter action movies and thrillers stacked in the guest room upstairs. Guy with gun on a quest for vengeance, end of story. “I want a change,” I protest, “I spent three months playing to a green screen, pretending to fight robot aliens. Look, Dash does great work. It’s small, but credible.”

  “Credible?” Josh snorts. “You want credibility, you go back to making a hundred bucks a day in the theater. You want to be a fuck-off movie star? You pick the projects I tell you to pick.”

  I can feel my frustration rise, so I cut him off before we can both say something we regret. “Look, I appreciate the advice. Let me think about it. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

  “Sure thing.” I can hear partying on his side of the call too. He’s probably at some big bash in the Hollywood Hills full of A-list talent. It was a big thing for him to sign me, and although we might disagree over some things, Josh understands this game better than anyone.

  “You know I’m right,” he adds as a parting shot. “Don’t screw this up.”

  He hangs up, leaving me out on the deck with a major decision on my mind.

  What the hell do I do next?

  I always thought, once I got my break, things would come easy, but now it feels like everything is harder. There’s more at stake. It’s easy to dive into a project when you’ve got nothing left to lose, but now I’ve had a taste of success, I’ve got so much more riding on my next move.